Human rights lawyer John Scott told the BBC Scotland news website that the case raised important privacy issues. He said: “It certainly prompts questions about what people can and can’t do behind closed doors with inanimate objects. “However, the difficulty is that the man involved in this case pleaded guilty to a breach of the peace so these issues of privacy weren’t considered by the court.”

Apparently this was the reason that the full force of law was unleashed, in all its majesty.

It’s true that a particularly odd fetish could have a destructive impact on a person’s life. But “wanking with a bicycle in private” only falls into that category if someone unlocks your door, walks in, witnesses it and then decides to press charges. And that’s not the category of problem that therapy deals with.

Mind you, I suspect whatever faith in humanity RS once possessed has been given a savage kicking lately. No doubt he could probably do with someone to talk to right now.

Given the facts, as reported, I would suggest however, that pretty much everyone else mentioned in the story might benefit from therapy. Something with a psychoanalytical edge to it. Something that encourages self-examination and rigorous soul-searching.

I thought of the Bill Hicks bit when I was reading it too, Gyrus. And part of me is convinced that the news reports are missing out a crucial piece of information. My imagination insists that the most likely explanation is that the hostel staff involved, did not like Mr. RS for some reason. Maybe he was an arsehole to them, or maybe they just took an irrational dislike to the guy. Either way, I feel there surely had to be a pre-existing grievance to compel them to press charges. Otherwise they’re just vindictive gits.

Which is a possibility I suppose.

Expect a slew of cases to hit the courts brought by fundamentalist parents who have walked in on their teenage sons without knocking first…

Can you imagine!? I tell you what Rochenko, that’s a childhood memory a kid is never recovering from. It’d be an honest-to-god miracle if he’s not in a tower with a high-powered rifle by the time he’s 22. And as a jury-member on his case I’d move for an acquittal based upon unreasonable provocation.

The Telegraph goes all tongue-in-cheek over the story, but the implications of the case you draw attention to are lost on them. Strange, what with the paper being a stout opponent of the creeping nanny state and its threat to individual liberty, and all.

I had to re-read the bit that said “They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white t-shirt, naked from the waist down” several times. OK, if he’s shagging his bike on the street, there’s some call for a minor reprimand. But behind locked doors?! And they did him on breach of the peace! I keep hearing Bill Hicks’ voice when he talks about housekeeping walking right in when he’s wanking and has a DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door: “Hey… hey… hey! HEY! HEEEEYYY!” Surely locking the door is as good as saying you don’t want to be disturbed. Or, that you might be disturbed if you’re a prudish twat and barge in with a master key?

I assume it was those “extremely shocked” cleaners, who had nothing done to them at all but thought it was fine to invade someone’s privacy, who, rather than say, “Sorry!” and walk away with a giggle, called the overbearing law in. Fucking bastards.