Online dating
I knew it was a mistake to be honest on my profile!
eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples. One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants fall within certain defined profiles. If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.
We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.
Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.
eHarmony.com | Advice to Jim
There’s really not much I can add to that, is there? eHarmony.com ask you to fill out a detailed personality profile. It takes a good 20 minutes / half hour. To get to the end and be rejected is a sobering experience. To have a computer offer my personality to a huge database of single women and be told “Ummm… nope… ‘fraid none of them are interested”.
Ah well, I only completed the profile out of curiosity. I went on a computer arranged date a couple of years ago and the one thing I learnt was that I won’t be going on any more of them. Woody Allen actually tried to buy the rights to that date for a scene in a movie. And then there’s speed-dating… someone I know is trying that, and recommended I go along some night. Speed-dating. Can you imagine?
Like 20 short job interviews in an evening; except in each one it’s your soul being assessed, not your academic qualifications. Whoopee doo.
Ah yes, I tried Internet dating last year, but nothing came of it. This is in large part because I simply didn’t put much effort into it. I’m tempted to try again, and I have a post in the works about it. This chap has blogged about it quite well.
I would never go on a speed-dating evening – it’s such an utterly bizarre concept. And, of course, I don’t think any women there would be terribly impressed with my inarticulate, shy mumbling. I suppose it might work for some people who can instantly go on a witty, erudite charm offensive, but not me.
March 8th, 2006 | 1:03pm
by Jez
I can think of few more excrutiatingly hellish ways to spend an evening than speed-dating. It’s the sort of thing I’d actually expect to find in a room in hell. Right next to the room with the bigscreen telly showing live continuous footage from the Big Brother house.
Speed-dating is essentially the application of the principles of convenience food / soundbite / instant coffee-culture to the process of finding someone to love. It’s the sort of thing that’s only supposed to happen in a near-future dystopia.
March 8th, 2006 | 1:35pm
by Jim
I went speed-dating once. As a means of finding someone to love, it’s pretty much a disaster – I agree.
But as an amusing way of spending an evening, I really can’t recommend it highly enough. It is entirely bizarre, and you do start off feeling like your soul is being assessed – but the atmosphere’s actually quite friendly, not actually intimidating, and I found the whole experience reaaly quite stimulating – if only in a ghastly sort of way. And Jez – assuming you can actually talk, the chance of you being the must inarticulate, shy, mumbling bloke there is pretty much vanishingly small.
I’ve also got a friend who’s now in a successful relationship with a nice girl he met through an online-dating agency – so I guess they do work sometimes.
March 8th, 2006 | 4:53pm
by Larry Teabag
my friend got a lovely pair of embroidered mittens in the post today from a girl he met through a web dating thing. you may not find love but you just might get something to keep your hands warm.
xxxxx
March 8th, 2006 | 7:09pm
by claire
After seeing your post, I tried it as well and also got the incompatible response, but I was hardly surprised at this (I consider myself an acquired taste at best).
March 9th, 2006 | 1:33am
by Simstim
oohhh good old speed dating..
wonder if it’d be more successful if everyone doing it was *on* speed?
jim, computer says no… ?
stupid computer.
March 10th, 2006 | 10:20am
by zoe
I refer you once again to my comment in ‘Google Brings Web Grinding To a Halt’; Results 1-10 of about 241,000 for bestial fisting.
Put two and two together, Jim. You’re limiting yourself to the narrow confines of human females.
Broaden your horizons (and some animal’s sphincter while you’re at it).
As Claire informs us above, ‘you may not find love but you just might get something to keep your hands warm’.
March 10th, 2006 | 11:26am
by Merrick
Don’t worry; I think you’re hot 🙂
I didn’t have much luck with the online dating scene either, but it may be due to the fact that I read far more than is sensible. In fact, I was lectured by a “date” once for not enjoying things like shopping and doing my nails all the time.
oh well
March 15th, 2006 | 4:56am
by L
Larry, I dig your blog and I figure we’d probably get along quite well if we found ourselves in a social situation… but “as an amusing way of spending an evening, I really can’t recommend it highly enough”… something tells me we have very different views on what constitutes an amusing evening. No doubt I’d prefer an evening of speed-dating to… say… an evening of having my fingernails and teeth slowly pulled out without anaesthetic. And it might even be a marginally less unpleasant way of spending time than being dragged by horses across a field full of broken glass.
But neither of those really sell it to me.
Claire, I appreciate the sentiment. But it’s somewhat cold comfort (if you don’t mind the pun). If my obituary reads “Died alone and unloved”, the addition of “But he had an amazing pair of mittens” doesn’t really provide enough balance.
Simstim… it turns out that things might not be as bleak as they seem. Check out this page and search it for ‘eHarmony’. it seems that eHarmony may actually be funded by some seriously nutty christian types. According to the page I linked to, if you don’t respond favourably to the religious questions you automatically get rejected.
Now, there may well be a valid “scientific” reason for this. If the statistics demonstrate that religious people are more likely to have successful relationships, then rejecting non-religious types will presumably increase the likelihood of successful matches.
Of course, I suspect that the numbers are somewhat skewed on this issue. Religious people may stay together for longer. But that’s hardly the only measure of relationship success (though I accept that it is certainly one measure).
Zoe and L… thankyou kindly. You are both very sweet. Unfortunately one of you is gay and the other is 4,000 miles away. But hey! It’s a reason for hope, right?
And as for you, Merrick… thanks for the suggestion that there really isn’t a single human female on the planet for me. That you managed to do so whilst dramatically lowering the tone of the discussion truly is your special gift.
March 15th, 2006 | 2:38pm
by Jim